Pointless Post

The last few weeks at work have been pretty tense and it has become increasing clear that the ladies I work with really don't like me anymore. At first I thought I could be imagining it or at least being over sensitive but yesterday I actually walked in when they were slagging me off, on the plus side at least i'm not imaging it.

Since coming home from work I've been comfort eating the worry away - it hasn't helped!! The trouble with me, well one of the troubles with me is that I worry constantly to the point where I no that on Monday morning I will be an anxious emotional mess.

This blog post is a bit pointless, I just wanted to get it off my chest really.

Group Dramas & Dodging Bullets

I actually got out of work in daylight today - 5pm no less. So I rallied the troops and decided to be a good girl and weigh in as I won't make it to my group tomorrow, even though I really don't like the consultant at tonights one. My good intentions backfired though when I was informed I owned back fees and could either restart for £10 or keep my history and pay £15, I really didn't no what was going on and to be perfectly honest I was to tired to care but I didn't want to lose my history even though I was expecting enough to put me back to the start anyway.

After that drama and holding up the queue - mortifying.  The scales were kind but the lady weighing was not!! The lady said I'd stayed the same but the scales were 1/2lb down by this point I just wanted to get the hell out of there and I wasn't going to quibble with 1/2lb. I am VERY please as I was expecting at least 7lb gain, maybe more but as Mr Shrink pointed out, I'm so stressed at the moment that I don't eat a lot, its just what I'm eating in junk. Speaking of Mr Shrink he lost ANOTHER 2.5lbs getting his 2 stone award, although they refused to give him a sticker or certificate, not sure if that's normal practice but I'd be pretty peeved, didn't think going to a different group would be quite so traumatic. 

As you can see from the time my sleep pattern has gone haywire again, about 3hours sleep last night and about 4 hours sleep tonight and we've been warned we could be at work until midnight tonight. I really need to get back on plan but I need to get organised with it, just not sure how to.

inclinations

This post is either ridiculously early or stupidly late depends on your inclination! All I know is that I'm ridiculously, stupidly exhausted!! 

Alfie, eBay and not that diet friendly ready brek!! 10 mins later 

 
 "Rub my belly mum I'm sleepy"

I have tried to sleep but I have such a headache I just can't drift off and I have to get up in an hour!! Thankfully I have s bijillion Family Guy and American Dad reruns to play in the background!

I'm abandoning this post for now asy head is screaming,

A Me Day

In a rare move for me It's turned into a bit of a pampering weekend, being 23 stone odd my usual opinion is a bit like 'what's the point' but seeing as from Friday I'll be having weekly contact with a group of 16 to 18 year olds on a weekly basis, I figured I really did need to start putting the effort into the way I look. The trip into town was supposed to be for Mr Shrink I ended up getting more for me then he did for him.

At the end of the shopping trip I had my eyebrows threaded - OUCH!!!!! Actually it didn't hurt at the time but 30 seconds after It was a bit sore.

Some amazingly pretty slippers - with the usual photobomb from the little man.

 
Pretty necklace courtesy of Mr Shrink -  not my usual style - not that I have a usual style but It appealed to me.

 a pretty bracelet and a blue version for my work friend.

errrr a very non diet friendly trip into Thorntons, not all mine I add - the pistachio chocolate was and it was devine!!

As I'm trying to change everything about me and hair colour is the easiest way and with all the stresses at work recently, my hair has started to fall out again, it happened a few years ago just before my first nervous breakdown, I also spent at least 30 mins everyday this week locked in the toilet sobbing for one reason or anther so I no that I'm on thin ice with my mental health but I don't no how to fix it.

I spent the afternoon working as everything kicks off early tomorrow and I won't have enough time to get everything that needs to be done done - but I got to do it on my lovely new computer.

Bit of Harley there, my geek side glowing bright and almost proud - Damn the Geeky Mr Shrink for corrupting me!

The craziness of 15 hour days begins again tomorrow and I'm easily going to have enough hours to have a whole week off and as our 4th wedding anniversary is next month, I'm hoping to make it till then without a major meltdown.

Ebay - A Fat, Poor Girls Heaven

I really need to start looking more professional at work, not that there's a dress code but I feel such a scruff and am currently rotating 3 outfits during the week.  Obviously fat girls must be punished for being fat with poorly made, overpriced clothes and with money tight this month I decided to check out Ebay and see what was on offer on a Saturday night, Lots as It turned out.

 So the above I got for £5.99 but its about 3 sizes to small - I'm using it as my target rather than a weight.

Wrap around dress - £6.99

 Skirt - £2.20

 top - £7.01

Hmm I never really thought I had a particular style but looking at those, I guess I'd go with Floral.

and because I'm having a pretty tough time at the moment I treated myself to this Gorjuss bag and a new diary.

I love santoros - gorjuss theres something about the art that I love, prehaps the fact no one has emotions it speaks to me.

I haven't done much today, work was a 15hour day yesterday, I didn't get home till after 10pm. I had a reletively successful driving lesson and it was agreed I needed to rebook my test for next month as with the lack of lessons recently I'm not ready. 

Tomorrow will involve following Mr Shrink round the shops so he can get some more clothes as his are now getting too big. I am very proud of him, he's doing great BUT I'm also very irritated that he's found it so easy while I'm still struggling and getting no where.

Anyone seen my Mojo?

because I have well and truely lost it!

batch cooking wasn't very successful - actually the weetabix cake was devine but I ate the whole thing in a day. I made quiche with a cous cous base which was weird, Lasagne with blended mac cheese as sauce which was vile and a pasta bake that was ruined because I didn't cook the pasta first.

I didn't make it to weigh in, after spending the morning cooking by the afternoon I felt poorly again so never made it out the house. I'm not sleeping again and so far this week at work I've done about 14 hours yesterday and another 13 hours today with a grand total of 20 minutes away from my computer all day. I've done about 25 hours overtime in a week so far and I've got another week or 2 of this yet. I'm running on diet coke and various sugary crap that is floating around the office, not a great combo and I really wish I liked coffee more at times like these, would make the days easier.

I probably shouldn't confess this but I just want to jack it in (not that i'm particularly doing it at the mo) I've tried to increase my superfree but in reality all that's happening is i'm going off the stuff I can eat, so i'm eating less than ever. I'm just really sick of feeling like a failure.

Right I'm going for a shower and then to bed to try and get a little sleep, I'm slightly optimistic that I feel so exhausted I could sleep all night but only time will tell.

Oh I've rediscovered my twitter account so If anyone gets a random tweet from x_Nicki_x that would be me :D

AWOL

Time flies when your under work arrest!

I could blame my lack of posts on work but it would only be a half truth. I have fallen off the wagon in spectacular fashion last week I had a gain of 4 1/2lbs and this week I didn't go to weigh in as I was at work. Mr Shrink is still going strong getting another 3 1/2lbs off this week

So since my last post my insomnia has reared its ugly head and it's rolled around to works busiest time of year, so my days have been between 12-13hrs constantly staring at a computer screen on 3 or 4 hours sleep which probably why by the weekend I am full of cold and generally run down. Last night I did sleep for 11 straight hours but the real test will be if I sleep tonight. Next weeks hours will be longer probably up to 15hours on a good day which is hard but work do tend to provide food (takeaways) and lots of sugary foods so not the easiest time to stick to a diet especially when your already struggling.

I'm going to try and batch cook enough food to make it through the days so I'm less tempted by the badies but knowing how brutal this week is going to be I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much.

I thought i'd miss weigh in again this week but seeing as its bank holiday I'm going to go to a different group and weigh in tomorrow and then I have until next Thursday to undo all the damage I've done since my stone award.

Losing and Gaining

Wow some serious blog neglect going on - I'd like to say its been a busy week but it hasn't really, have had a few gains this week

 A new desk - Bargain find on gumtree and perfect for the new computer I should be getting this month and a huge amount of space for studying.  I also gained this little beauty

 We weighed in a day early as I went to dinner and a movie with a friend on Thursday, don't ask me how but I managed to lose 5lbs this week and got my stone award :) Actually I was on plan for 5 days out the 7 which is pretty good going really. I'm still comforting eating for England so I'm hoping just to maintain this week. Mr shrink lost another 1.5lbs and cousin shrink gained 4.5lbs but it wasn't much of a suprise due to family staying with her and totm for the first time in 2 years.

Last but not least I gained 1 more massive thing.......

That is Esmerelda - MY CAR :) I picked her up today! I drove her all the way home which is about 10 miles and then took her along the beach this evening. The plan is to do some driving everyday with Mr Shrink along for the ride and hopefully build my confidence up enough to actually pass my test which is in 4 short weeks. I've already prettified her with a pink bobble flower and purchased some lovely pink decals to girlie her up, the radio doesn't work but the CD player does not that I have many CDs luckily I have an Iphone might need to make a driving playlist.

Practise makes perfect!

Stationary Habit.

The is nothing like a bit of stationary shopping to cheer a girl up, well cheer this girl up.

Actually that's pretty tame for me but as I haven't got the office set up yet and my courses don't start until end of September I thought it's best not to go too mad. My work desk is better stocked then the actaully college stationary cupboard,  A lovely lady on the facebook group for the Maths course pointed me in the direction to some sample modules which will help get me started. I also have to books winging there way to me from Amazon they old Open Uni books but they are fab for those who haven't had much experience in maths recently or so I'm told. I no its extra work but I want to do do everything I can to succeed this time, this will be my 3rd attempt at an OU course albeit completely different courses and this is a subject that I love (computing) but i'm worried I'll probably end up sucking and then I'll have nothing I'm good at.

I've cooked a fair bit today I made SW Jelly sweets which to be fair was like eating squares of Jelly and I can't work out if that's how they are supposed to be or if I did something wrong having said that they are very nice and although I'm not a fan of Jelly its nice to have something to pick at in the fridge. I made chicken Korma for tea and after the last disastrous attempt I just bit the bullet and syned the coconut milk in the end it was 4 syns a portion but at least it was nice!! The other thing I created was rice pudding which I usually do in the slow cooker but it never turns out right and is always watery so I did it on the hobb, used a real vanilla pod and it turn out lush, it was supposed to be breakfast but I'm not sure it'll last that long. I used Blue diamond almond milk so the whole batch is a HexA or 6 syns, I'll syn it because I won't eat it all in one go

I feel weird today I don't no if I'm coming down with something but I don't feel right although I feel a but brighter which is the first time in a little while.

Radio Silence

It's been a funny week to the outside world It's been a significantly better week for me but I don't feel like its been a good week,

First things first - A big congratulations to Mr Shrink who lost 3.5lbs this week making a total of 17lbs of in 5 weeks. I put on another 1lb my head has been totally out of the game.
Another big congratulations to my personal Slimming world Hero Karen at The Slimming World Files for getting her fantastic 9 Stone award.

On Tuesday I received this...........

Yup I passed my theory test and my practical is booked for about 6 weeks time......yikes.
Hmm what else happened this week....... well it was pay day which is always cause for celebration, It looks like work will loan me the money to buy a new computer for my course, a touch screen desk top no less. I'm still debating on taking the counselling course that runs at the college but I'm not sure I can mange that along with what is basically a full time degree this year. I could drop on of the courses till next year but It just adds another year on to qualify.

So on the topics of diet - well I've basically been not totally on plan for 2 weeks and I have gained 2lbs which if I'm honest is a blooming miracle. Yesterday I had a rather stern telling off from Cousin Shrink which is unusal for her because she knows tough love isn't always the best option with me, she didn't say anything that wasn't true but I just wish it was as easy to pull myself together as everyone thinks it should be.

Today I've been about 75% on plan, we were going the have a takeaway for tea but in the end I ended up making a bit of a a fakeaway

That is a wholemeal pitta (HexB) smothered in tomato puree and garlic italian herbs topped with mozzerella and new potato bbq wedges, I am suprised how yummy it was,  it was followed by one of these bad boys

Omg they are devine well the Daiquiri's are i'm not to keen on the others, I have no idea how many syns are in them but I bet its ALOT!! But all bad things are out of the house now, well apart from the doggy!

Tomorrow the slimming world friendly shop will arrive and I will be attempting to make SW KFC, Big Mac in a bowl and chicken korma at some point this week (are you picking up on a theme here)