Must.Stay,Awake

Ever had that feeling when you know you are getting sick and your just waiting for it to materalise into full blown illness, I've had this all week and today the sleepies are setting in along with the feeling sick as a dog and feeling like i'm on fire.

My shakes arrive today as well as a parcel for Mr Shrink so I have to stay awake and I have to answer the door. This mundane task is something most people can manage without even thinking about but I don't answer the door or the phone, it makes me panic.

My course officially starts tomorrow, I have the doctor calling on Tuesday to decide whether I'm going back to work, I guess I have too really as people are leaving but I'm not sure how i'm going to manage it. My little puppy dog who has been my little gaurd these past few weeks is having his bits done on Tuesday so I'm worrying about him.

It's odd whilst writing this I've nodded off twice, sat up right with a laptop cooking my leg, got no idea why i'm so tired,

A change or a glimmer

I'm not sure whether this is a turning point or just a glimmer of clarity in my darkness but today I feel like I have to do something about me. My sicknote runs out in exactly 2 weeks, the other full time lady leaves in just over 2 weeks. Hubby has taken so much time off with me in the last few weeks and I know when he's at work he constantly worries about what he's going to find when I get home.

Although I don't imagine losing weight will miraculosly solve all of my issues it would at least elliminate one of them and then maybe I might be able to figure out what the real problems are because other then being fat and not having babies, I haven't got a freaking clue.

I need a plan.